Conversation moved to bin

And another one bites the dust

Before I went home to Ireland for July and August, I went on a few dates here in Sevilla.

Went for a date “on the apps” took it offline, you know what I mean.

I love how people now say, “Oh, we met on the apps,” with a little nose wrinkle. And your uncle folding his arms Matt le Blanc style “Oh, did ye now?!”

Anyway, the dates with the first guy were quite pleasant. Grand, nothing special (even though you best believe I bigged it all up in my head), you know yourself.

I went on a few dates with another guy, who was way more fun and sociable.

Except there was one fundamental problem: he asked me fuck-all questions. I swear, he spent 15 minutes talking non-stop about Naruto from some Japanese anime film (which is fine), but when you've word-vomited the plot of your favourite movie for approx. two kilometres of walking, surely you’re parched and would want to, I don’t know, pass the mic?!

This could be us watching sunsets, but you won’t ask me questions! hehe

You might be thinking, oh, perhaps it’s a language thing.

I don’t think so for two reasons:

1. My friends have the same problem with dating: They find that many guys tend to talk a lot about themselves and don’t ask the same questions in return.

2. This guy spoke perfect English, and when I spoke, he understood me fine. So, I don’t think his listening comprehension was a problem. It seemed to be an issue of asking questions and showing interest.

This got me thinking about the general lack of questioning by guys.

I must say that I brought this up in passing when I first started texting the previous guy. And he texted, “Why wouldn’t I ask questions? I know everything about myself already and am on a date to learn about the other person.”

Very mindful, very demure.

But from my own and friends’ experiences, this is not a common thread.

Surely there’s overlap or trickle-down where if guys aren’t asking questions on dates, then no wonder women aren’t being listened to by their doctors?!

I know this might seem like a big stretch.

But the stats back this up.

Women’s pain is very often dismissed by their doctors, even when they have valid reasons for concern. In a study carried out in Australia, women relayed their traumatic experiences due to healthcare situations. These were women who had already been diagnosed with chronic illnesses.

So, if these women who had diagnoses were not taken seriously, how are we expected to get proper care and adequate diagnoses in the first place!?

Many women feel they are not listened to or are easily dismissed. While there’s a big difference between going on a date and to the doctor and not being asked questions or listened to, there is a knock-on effect.

Women have to constantly advocate for themselves, whether that’s speaking up about their interests and hobbies on a date, or pushing back on doctors for more answers, tests or consultant visits.

I also noticed that I am the one filling the gaps in conversations on dates. I hate silence in a conversation - I know, this is something I should work on! When a silence inevitably comes up, I would then fill it in by asking him another question.

The onus shouldn’t be on me, however.

“Oh, then stop asking questions?!”

While I pinky promise I won’t fill the silence gaps on my next date, it should still be up to guys to ask more questions, of which they have plenty of time to do so.. rather than rambling on for 15 minutes about anime when you haven’t even asked what I enjoy doing in my spare time.

And I wouldn’t mind, but it’s not like they’re in a job interview where they’re under pressure! The question is set up for you in the conversation! I’ve asked you a question, so repeat it back to me?!

How difficult can that be?

Spending time with besties >>> dating!

And I wouldn’t necessarily say this is a me-problem because I like to yap!

Yap yap yap with my girlies.

I’m always yapping, and am quite good at it.

But when I look back over a lot of my dating scenarios and think, gosh, was that a two-sided conversation? Not at all.

Anyway, back to not going on the apps for another six months, revelling in my own company, only to do it all over again in the new year!

I hope this has given you some food for thought! Or am I alone in my one-sided-conversations and the guys you’ve dated have, indeed, shown an interest?!